A Dream...

When I was young I think I confused the heck out of my Mom.  Instead of reading Little House on the Prairie, Goosebumps or other books for kids my age... I had my head buried inside Art Books, and was constantly scouring the discount section at Barnes & Noble for my favorite artist... Monet.

I am now in Kansas City with my friend Rachel, with whom I planned to travel to Europe with to scour Paris and London during our Spring Break in college... which never happened.  But, here in Kansas City, she took me to the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art yesterday and I finally realized a dream I had held captive in my heart since I was that little girl scouring Art Books... I saw Monet's Waterlilies up close and in person.

Sometimes dreams are realized... just not in the places you thought.  My dreams have had to have been re-evaluated this month, and although I'm not where I want to be or where I think I should be... maybe my dreams will be realized in the most unlikely places... like Kansas City instead of Paris.

J Majors ... Before & After

I love meeting new people!  I love meet & greet's, shaking hands and getting to know people.  Well, you may have seen me tweet all about The Wow Factor Cake's opening night, and how fabulous Amy's work is.  What you didn't know, is that I met CJ from J Major's and she mentioned that she needed prints in her dressing rooms.  Well, wouldn't ya know... I just happened to have a J Majors bride, the ultra-fab Christine, and offered to adorn their dressing rooms with her gorgeousness... Enjoy the before & after's!

Before...

And... AFTER!

If you're in need of a wedding dress, make sure you check out J Majors!  CJ, Ashley and the girls will absolutely listen to what you want, pull dresses and give you their full attention!

A Father's Love...

My Dad and I have always been close... he was always the one I went to when I had problems, always the one that talked me out of the deep end, always the one with the solid advice.  It is today that I am reminded of how grateful I am for that friendship.  It was a very hard thing for me to leave my parent's house and join the one of my husband's.... there wouldn't be anymore breakfast's around the kitchen table, no more early morning coffee when just Dad and the dog were up, no more eggs at 1am.

But something has evolved in this phase of my life... a deep gratitude and appreciation.  My Dad is a selfless man, a man with a huge heart and deep conviction.  A man that would give anything for his family, and a resolve to protect them against all odds.  He is never without a hug, coming or going - which is probably why I hug so much.  He's never without time for the important things - which is probably why all my meetings go long.  He's never without a sound word in a time when I need it most - something I may never have, but consistently try.  He is my hero.

Dad, while I can't be with you on this all important day to show you my gratitude, appreciation and love; you know my heart is there.  I owe much of my common sense and strong convictions to you.  Thank you for always being patient, taking the time for what was important, and being as always... an example of what a Dad should be... an example of what our Heavenly Father is.  I love you.

The Tweedts

So... I have this amazing friend.  And this amazing friend has amazingly beautiful children.  This amazing friend is also LEAVING me in June, and I still can't believe it.  Melinda and I met at Starbucks many moons ago, before photography took over my life.  Her and Chris opened up their home to my husband and gave him a place to live before we were married, we were shift supervisors together; and we spent every Monday night hanging out, eating oreo's or sucking down Sonic's strawberry limeaide's.

Before I left for Vegas I brought my camera over to her house, and just captured her and her husband with their kids.  I am going to miss them terribly, and hope we remain close through the distance.

Carissa's favorite thing to do is climb up in the window...

baby Alexa...

The whole fam...

And my favorite...

The root of all evil... p90x

So I was out for dinner with my sister (@bethanycg) and my husband (@ryanfesko)... I only include their twitlinks because they're usually hilarious when there's banter going across the airwaves, and you have to follow both of them to see the hilariousness.  Some of the hilarity ensued at dinner the other night over a well known workout video.

So... we're out for dinner, and Beth mentions that she just bought p90x.
"Who did you buy it from?" Ryan asked.
"Some old guy.  Said his wife saw it on television and thought it looked interesting.  When she actually got it she said there was no way..."
"Yah, there's a big difference between OWNING it and actually DOING it!" Ryan said.
"Yeah, my sister owns p90x and she'll kick your butt!" Beth said.
(Beth in a different voice) "You don't oooooowwwwnnnnn p90x, look at you! ... (different voice) "No, no, no... I said I OWN p90x."
"How long have you OWNED it? (Beth again)... "1 day."
"I can imagine his wife sitting on the couch with a bag of lays, 'He just told me I did a good job!  How does he know?'...  I don't know where to even FIND a pull-up bar."  Beth said.
"They sell them at Wal-Mart.  Hey!  Do you want ours?  We're not using it.  (to Ryan) Why do we have a pull-up bar again?" I said (this was through tears at this point).
Beth: "How long have you been on day 1?" (different voice) "Two weeks!"
"Yeah... I can tell!" Ryan said.  "When I emailed him I would have asked if I could see HIS before and after pictures!  TV is one thing, I want to see YOURS!" 

In this conversation we determined 2 things...
1.  Once you can't lift your own body weight (via the p90x pull up bar), you are officially overweight.
2.  If for you, bootcamp = love, p90x is the workout program for you!

And maybe this conversation was only hilarious to us, maybe you had to be there.  Maybe you own p90x, and you just needed some encouragement or a workout from the laughter.  In any case... we're here for you.

Top 10 Reasons You Know You're in California...

So I've been in California for about a week now, and I honestly forgot how much I missed this place.  My hubby and I met in SoCal, and I guess I just fell in love with him right along with the 75 degree weather, destroyed jeans and flip flops.  I can't help it... I think I'm a California girl at heart.  The best part of SoCal is getting to see all of my amazing friends that are putting up with me... I mean putting me up... while I'm here :).  Note: If you find friends that you can meet up with after hardly being in contact for years, and you pick up right where you left off... these are friends for life - keep them.

So after being in CA, I realized that not everyone knows what this amazing experience is like... so I decided to take it upon my self to tell you... (and some of these were taken with my blackberry... so no judging!).  Here we go...

10.  You're surrounded by palm trees...

9.  TRAFFIC!!!

8.  Skateboarders... everywhere...

7.  You can only buy certain things in the OC... CA... (that pic is coming later!)

6.  The sunset happens over the water...

5.  In-and-Out Burger on every corner...

4.  The real Real Estate isn't in the convenient places...

3.  You can pick your own fruit to squeeze for your own juice... (photo taken in the backyard... seriously!)

2.  It's the place where the mountains and the ocean meet...

and lastly... 1.  Duh, you can see the Hollywood Sign! (uh, hello!)

More to come from the amazingness that is California late-ah!

Rants & Raves

Welcome to the first edition of Rants and Raves!  This is my own personal place to give a thumbs up (or down :) on everything wedding, photography, life, tv, shoes, fashion, myself... a place to breathe. So... here we go...

I don't claim to be a marketing or SEO expert, I do however have a knack for those things and feel that I need to share a little of my insights.  As a photographer I check out other photographer's websites, blogs and the sites that my friends of Facebook have become "fans" of.  I am surprised more and more by what people call quality.  Your blog and website is where the "best of your best" should be featured, not a place where your barely edited, unfocused, formal pictures are displayed from the 1 couple that just hired you.  Building a portfolio takes time.  Don't rush in and force that proverbial "foot in the door."  The door will open to you when it's time.  In the meantime, work on your craft... read, ask for critique, second shoot and ask all the questions you can!

With the economy recovering from its nosedive, there have been many people that have started to call themselves "photographers" because they own a "good camera" or have a "good eye."  Being a photographer is so much more than that... You should be able to shoot in a dark hallway without your subjects coming out looking like the paparazzi captured them.  You should be able to edit your pictures in a way that makes them look like they didn't just come out of a point and shoot camera.  You should be able to design or hire a graphic designer that will put together a brand and plan for your business.  You should be registered with your county and state and be paying taxes.  You should be able to attend conferences, read everything you can get your hands on, take classes and attend workshops that will better YOU in your field.  You should be able to do what you do better than anyone else... Own.  YOUR.  Market.  If you need help in this area reach out!  I'm available, there are also other more long standing photogs/people that can help... Kelly Moore, The Brand Camp, Into the Darkroom, Lara Casey and many, many, many more.

Brides, when you hire a photographer don't settle on them because they are discounted.  Honestly, I would rather own a Calvin Klein dress that is more expensive, but will last longer and be higher quality than I would buy a Wal-Mart dress that is just going to fall apart and not fit right.  Why would the photography for the MOST important day of your life be any different?  After the cake is cut, the flowers have died and your dress has been cleaned... the only thing you have left are your pictures (and/or video).  Why wouldn't you invest as much as you possibly could into the only thing you have left after everything else is gone?  These are memories that are going to last you a lifetime, why wouldn't you start those memories out like you want to finish?

My husband and I wanted the best quality pictures we could afford.  We found the photographer we wanted, flew her in from California, and spent more than we wanted to... but I LOVE my wedding pictures, and have no regrets.  I look at them often and have nothing but great things to say about her and the day.  We INVESTED in our photographer, and spent more on something we wanted because we knew it was going to last longer.  And we have more than a great return on our investment... we have memories that make us smile every time we open our album. (Just an FYI... our Photog was the fabulous Shyla, and we're forever grateful love!)

To me it's a matter of proportion... On AVERAGE You spend $700 on a cake that's going to last you 1 day, $1500 on a dress, $500 on favors... but you're wanting to hire a photographer for $1000 and HOPE to get the lifelong, timeless quality you see in all those wedding magazines you've been spending the last few years perusing.  I'm afraid not.  Those photographers that have had their work featured in The Knot, Style Me Pretty and Southern Weddings have poured their entire life into what they're doing.  They've refined their craft and made it their own.  For us, photography isn't just something we do on the weekends... it's our life (just ask my husband).  We've poured our heart and soul into something we LOVE doing, why wouldn't we want our craft to be appreciated and charge accordingly?  We're not discount dresses at WalMart... we're the Calvin Klein's.  Don't be afraid to INVEST... because that's what it is... an investment in your memories.

~One of my favorites from our wedding... (thanks Shy)~

Snow, Snow, Snow... and more Snow!

So I keep waking up saying, "Today I'm going to blog.  Today, I'm going to blog"... and I have an engagement session that I haven't blogged yet, but I wanted to get these out before the snow melted.

Ryan and I don't have kids... yet.  But we love taking our 70lb Golden Retriever, Ginger, out in the snow and letting her romp and play until she passes out on the living room floor...  Here are some of our exploits from this morning...

Some of the wonderful scenery...

 

And here are the two furry playmates that we found along the way...

Coco

And Molly...

Have fun and stay safe everyone!

New Years Resolutions... like a good procrastinator... I'm late.

Life is funny sometimes.  It doesn't always go the way you planned, and you don't always plan the things that happen to you.  My mother always told me that we are all running a race, but if you look to see where other people are in their race then you go off track of yours.  Any good runner knows that you stay focused on the goal line... not the people beside you.

My motto in life has been, "That's not fair!"  Because I have justice issues... I just intrinsically know what's right and wrong, and if someone has done me or someone I know "wrong"... it's on.  I know... little harsh, right?

So here's a "not fair" Rachel Fesko story... are you ready?  When I was 22 I decided to go back to college... in California.  I left January of 2005, and LOVED it... Cali in January?  And I could wear flip-flops?  I was in L O V E.  At the end of the semester amidst all the packing and finals, I felt that something was wrong with my body... I couldn't concentrate, my hair was falling out (I wasn't pulling it out... it was f a l l i n g out!), I couldn't sleep, and in the middle of it all... I came down with a sinus infection.  Not good for a college student.  So what does every good college student do when things fall apart?  Call home.

God bless my dad... After getting off the phone with me he made a doctor's appointment.  Which I kicked and screamed all the way to... I didn't need to go to no stinkin' doctor!  I've got a good immune system!  I'll kick this!  I just need to rest.  Through a series of events, which I won't bore you with, that doctor's appointment led to me being diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer.

Because I was done this great wrong, there had to be someone to blame... because this just wasn't fair.  I mean, why me?  What did I do wrong?

What I didn't realize until this year was that I have still been carrying around that i n j u s t i c e, and I've been trying to play it off like everything was fine... when it really wasn't.  All I could see was the bad... instead of the good.

Good Stuff:
* I have a clean bill of health, and have had one for 4 years
* I had the best surgeon and staff helping me through the process, who I can still call at anytime
* I returned to school that next semester (4 weeks after surgery) and made the Dean's List
* I realized who my closest friends were... and ended up marrying one of them
* I'm alive

I can't keep looking at all the injustice in my life and be happy.  I can't keep demanding my way, and be happy...  I can't keep on fighting when I've already won, and be happy.  My New Year's Resolution is plain and simple...

*Be the most true expression of who I've been created to be*

And that person is happy... full of life... sanguine... hopeful... creative... spontaneous... and loves life.  Here's to a year full of life... and life worth living.

The day Ryan proposed

Our First Child...

So I would like everyone to meet our first child... Ngenzi.  Please forgive the smatters of nonsense through this blog, but I'm writing through tears...

Do you ever have those moments... the moments when you realize that you may have it bad, but not as bad as you thought?  That was me over the weekend.  Doug West, a Compassion International Child Advocate, came to our church on Sunday and spoke about his own experiences with sponsoring a child in Africa.  It wasn't until this moment that forgotten memories came to the surface.

When I was growing up my parents sponsored a little boy from Rwanda.  I don't remember his name, but I remember writing him and sending him a soccer ball every year for his birthday.  Whenever we wanted to send Compassion money to buy him something (because that's how it works :), my Mom & Dad made us take money out of our allowance/savings like we would for any other family member or friend.  This boy wasn't just someone that my Mom & Dad sponsored, he was apart of our family.

I've changed my language about this boy... Ngenzi isn't a child I'm sponsoring... he's a child I've adopted.  In my heart, he's my kid... I want to take care of him and make sure he has a better life.  The high school kids I used to work with will tell you this... they were my kids.  I took care of them, and I promise to take care of this little boy.  If I don't, who will?

We have so much compared to other nations, and we have the opportunity to help in a real and tangible way.  Compassion is an organization focused on relieving poverty one child at a time, and they have a real and true cause with real and true results.  We hear so many times about the charity work that celebrities do...  You may not receive world wide accolades, or notoriety; but you will change the life of a little boy or girl in a way that will be unforgettable to them.  If you have $40/mo, or even if you don't... investing in a child is so much better than going out to eat on a Friday night.

Men at Chess

Yesterday I was sitting at Starbucks in Raleigh waiting for Lisa and Kirk to arrive for their engagement session... and stumbled upon this...

 

My immediate thought was "This is adorable."  And of course my second thought was... "Where is my camera?"  So, I ran outside to the car, grabbed my camera and came back in and snuck a few shots.

But here's what hit me today... Because of the things that have happened in my life I count the word "friend" something priceless and treasured.  The people that I call "friend" I know that I can trust with my raw emotions, and can help me weed them down to something more manageable.  These are the people that I can share my hopes & dreams with, and they won't tell me to get my head out of the clouds.  These are the people that I will cherish for life.  That I will play chess with when I'm 80 (if I ever remember how to play).

To all of my friends... I love you.  Thank you for being trustworthy and a confidant.  I will hold you dear in my heart and in my life until kingdom come.

Rachel Fesko 007 - License to Shoot (not kill)

So... I've been obsessed with James Bond since I was 10.  I have the normal hang ups - Sean Connery was the best, Timothy Dalton was a waste of time and Pierce Brosnan will ever be the picture of Bond in my mind.  That is until the wonderful, beautiful and ultimately gorgeous Daniel Craig graced the screen with his presence and stole my ever Bond loving heart.  But, I have never wished to be a Bond girl... I just want to be Bond.  I want to speak 4 languages, be mysteriously intriguing, carry a Walther PPK... the list goes on and on.

If you are or have been one of my clients you come to understand that breaking onto property, hopping fences and "No Trespassing" signs mean absolutely nothing to me.  My motto?  "It's always better to ask for forgiveness than permission."  If I see the perfect place for the perfect shot... I want to get it.

Along with my love of Bond and desire to become a spy... I have the desire for certain objects... Like a car that can drive via remote control:

Or a lock picking kit that I can hide in my wallet...

And I won't tell you that my parents had to take extra measures to keep me out of their house when I moved out and forgot my key :).

Reaction vs. Response

~ Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain

in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

~Winston Churchill~

I have recently encountered the positive through the negative.  How is this possible?  Through constructive criticism, my friends, criticism.

When I was working full-time (or even part-time) I was constantly seeking out my supervisors for their insights on my performance, and what I could improve upon.  I sought out their criticism because I wanted to be a better employee, and you don't know what to fix unless someone tells you... normally.

When you're running your own business you don't have a boss to report to.  You report to yourself, which is sometimes worse, and hope that in watching others or asking how others do their business you can better your own.

Recently, I was sought after and sat down.  What ensued was not a "bash Rachel session" but instead an opportunity for me to see how I conduct my business through someone else's eyes.  The things they brought to my attention were valid, and I am the LAST person to denounce anyone's insight.  Now, if they had sat me down and yelled at me for an hour, this would be a different story.  But I walked away feeling like they actually cared about me, and my business (a great lesson for me in how to approach people).

But here is where most people stop and get offended or brush it off... this is reacting.  I had two choices with the insight and criticism they gave me - I could get hurt and react, or I could take it in and respond.  Reacting takes no thought whatsoever, and it's what you're first inclined to do - get angry, defend, depressed, shut down, etc.  But responding takes a depth of character to look at your circumstances from someone else's perspective, apologize and then change the things that need to change.  You may be hurt in the moment, but if someone brings opportunities for growth to your attention, why not take it in and evaluate the validity of their words and the motive of their heart?

Criticism is hard.  Period.  None of us like to be picked apart, especially if you're like me and you do it to yourself all the time anyway.  But here is my challenge... ask one of your trusted friends, colleagues or even your supervisor for criticism on your character, performance or otherwise and see how you respond.  You may get some of the best insight as to what you can do to improve, and if you respond well it may make all the difference in that relationship.  Criticism is the mirror you sometimes never have the opportunity to look into.

California Dreamin...

So that's my puppy... Ginger :)

A few months ago Ryan and I were heading out of town for a wedding, and we couldn't find anyone to watch Ginger.  So we called the hotel, and they were able to accommodate her!  You would not believe this dog!  She chilled out on the balcony all weekend long, and we could barely get her inside to take a drink.  She ran up and down the beach, and loved the sand (the water - not so much.  I think the waves freaked her out).

Ryan and I always claim California as our home, we may be "from" other places but it's where we felt the most like ourselves.  This is the place where we relaxed, and enjoyed the scenery.  It's where Ryan proposed, and where we went to school.  But to realize that we found a "California" dog in North Carolina... you  have got to be kidding me.  And now that I have a wedding in California next year I am ecstatic!  I get to go "home" for 10 days...

Over the past few weeks life has been hard.  We've had to make some tough decisions and come to some tough conclusions, but what's become so apparent is that we have this little California family to come home to.  We've learned to come together in the midst of trials, and not cause conflict over minuscule issues.  This is what family is all about - realizing you are more and more alike as the days go on... even if it's the dog.

Visit to LA... Louisiana that is...

When I was growing up my Aunt Kari would come visit every Christmas and over the summer.  Kari and my mom are 18 years apart, and my Mom had me when Kari was 10... so we've always been super close.  Kari has been like the big sister I never had, and even though we're 850 miles apart we're on the phone constantly.

So now Kari is married to Vance and lives in Louisiana with her two kids... Lydia and Caedmon.  Lydia and I are just about as far apart as Kari and I are... so the cycle begins again... Earlier this year Ryan and I went down to visit while my grandparents were here from Australia.  I just now finished going through all the pictures... and decided to share :). 

One afternoon I took Lydia into downtown Lafayette, and had the best time.  We had wardrobe changes and everything!  Later that same day we took the whole family out for pics... here are my favorites from the week.

All pictures of me were taken by Ryan Fesko (the hubby)

Some of the pics with Lydia at the historic house next door and in downtown Lafayette...

The family pics that night and the next day...

And my favorite...